Laughter IS the best medicine

Today I was having a pity party...actually all week I was. Those of you that have been or are LDS, single, living in Utah, surrounded by family and friends that have been happily married since they were 21will understand what I mean when I say...being single sometimes is no fun. I am happy with my life. I have had to learn how to be. I go on fun trips, I buy nice things for myself, I stay out too late, sleep in later the next morning and don't have anyone to worry about besides myself. Sounds great right? It is great! But then there are those moments when you just feel you would trade all of that just to have the companionship that we have been taught to strive for our entire lives as active Latter-day Saints. Each time a relationship or potential relationship doesn't work out, I think as many of you may also, "Really? I have to start over again?"Again, those of you that have truly or are "singles" understand exactly what I mean, the rest of you can try to understand but unfortunately won't understand the dread of those words. Like I said, I was having a major pity party about having to start over again. So sick of dating and yet feeling guilty because A. I'm not alone and B. there are older singles than me that have been doing this longer. I was ready to just throw on some sweats and go to sleep while my friends went out country dancing. I told them, I would go next time. This is where true friendship comes into play. My friend Dan told me, let's get you an energy drink and go dancing. He even said he will drink double what I do. Now, yes this might be one of those careless "single" person things to do, but the spontaneity of the offer was enough. It was the best decision I made. Now my friend Brittany, upped the ante. She said he needed to drink double what both of us did. This left our poor friend drinking a lot :). Why? So I would go out and quit feeling sorry for myself. It ended up being one of the best nights I have had! We were a little wired but I have never laughed, cried (from laughing), smiled and cared less about what I looked like while dancing. Trust me it probably wasn't a pretty sight. Tonight really helped me to realize a few things. First, laughter does chase away your sorrows. Second, feeling sorry for yourself just makes you feel worse and not better. Third, friends are a gift from our Heavenly Father, especially us "singles." Having someone that understands that you just need to forget sometimes is the best gift I could have ever gotten. I know all of our fun wasn't just for me, but it was just what I needed. My friends were there for me when I needed them. I love you guys. Thanks Dan for the initial boost and thanks to Jake, Kami, Brittany, Ange, Jared, Shad, Rachel and now Collin (hopefully we didn't scare you away) for one of the best nights! Tonight reminded me that you really must find joy in the journey no matter what hardships may fill it.

Kelly Clarkson, sing to me!

Yes, of course I found a song to say words better than I can!

A patch of blue sky ahead...

This week was one of those that you just want to sleep through. I dreamed my way through Monday and Tuesday sicker than I have been in a long time. I finally took a day off work to let my very upset body rest a little bit. I wish that I could have enjoyed not showering, not worrying about make-up, hair or doing one thing at all but I was that sick. Thursday I had to go to work sick or not, yes that is the life of a teacher, and it seemed like every physical ailment that my body could or does produce hit me that day (sorry for the TMI but yes, Aunt Flo stopped by also) and to it another very emotional day. Luckily it was a short day and today, Friday, was a work day with no students. I left came home and slept before my night class further breaking the record for number of hours slept in a week during the school year (I think by Thursday, starting with Sunday night, I was at 46 hours, not joking :) great huh?!) By this morning, I was feeling better, and not being aware of it at the time, today was the day that the clouds would break and the sun would shine through. I spent all day at work getting things organized there and was off by 3. If you weren't outside this day, it was a beautiful spring day and the sun was shining. I out of nowhere, finished a project laying on my floor since December, cleaned up my room and felt great literally almost bouncing around to the next task. It sounds like I haven't been happy at all the past few months, which is not true, but I really felt today was a start of something new. Tuesday night, I closed a very loved and cherished chapter of my life and was so unaware of how much I needed that book to be shut completely and stored away. While the pain of that now over part of my life is still there, I feel like the sun is really shining today and I am proud to finally be able to say that this storm cloud has passed (I don't want to gloat too much so that the next cloud doesn't come too quickly :). Today is one of those days, that I just could not pass up the opportunity to write about the joy I feel and thank my Heavenly Father for sticking by me during all my crying, whining and moping. "This too shall pass..." words that are so hard under the rain cloud, but so hopeful in the sunshine. For all that read this, thanks for being a part of my life. Whether I see you always, sometimes or hardly ever, know that you are special to me and you have helped me be who I am today.

Come What May and Love It?

I love our dear apostle Joseph B. Wirthlin and the talk he gave a few years back titled "Come What May and Love It." I love the optimism and hope that the talk brought. I understand the power of his message that with faith in our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ we can have hope through life's hard times. But, here I am, in one of life's hard times and I don't love it. Stubbornly, I am not going to try to love it either. I don't love the hurt and heartache in my life right now. I don't love the red-puffyeyes or the pain. I am not ever going to learn to love it either. Let's be honest...there is nothing to love about hurting. Now that I have you all worried about my pessimism, let me comfort you with these next thoughts. Although I am not ever going to love hurting, crying and the loneliness I feel. Although I will never laugh about this, this is what I feel about the phrase our dear apostle so wisely shared, "Come What May and Love It." The pain and the hurt is not the part we are to love. Life will come whether we like it or not. Pain, hurt, and grief will come whether we like it or not. We probably won't ever love it. But, in those times, there are many things to love. This is where the "... and Love It" comes in. I do love my family and friends that support me and share the pain. I do love the hugs without words and the diet cokes brought by friends to cheer me up. I do love the laughs that I do have to distract me from the hurt. I do love the tears that eventually and ever so slowly wash away the pain. I do love watching Friends episodes to make me laugh and forget for a while. I do love the gospel of Jesus Christ that does promise me that these times do not last forever and this hurt will go away. I do love that my Lord Jesus Christ truly does understand. I do love that He was born so long ago to help me, and all of us, through times such as these that are so hard alone. I do love that even though His physical arms can't hold me, he inspires others to. I may not and will not ever love times like these even when I look back, but I can and do have a lot of other things to love right now.

Bruno Mars you said it!

I am not going to do anything! :)

It's great being a girl!

There are two things in life that never let me down. Godiva truffles and 5 for $25 panties at Victoria's Secret. After a very unsuccessful shopping trip in Vegas, the girls and I decided we needed some success so we made a visit to Vickie's and Godiva and ended with a smile :) .

Hide and Seek

Ewww! This morning I was forced once again to play hide and seek. Normally I don't mind the game but not with you! You hide in the strangest places and when I find you, I usually can't help but scream. Lucky for you this morning it was a quiet gasp. And what else? Every time I do find you, you cheat! Instead of the game being over and letting us both move on, you run away! The way you run just sends shivers down my spine that sometimes give me nightmares. I don't like playing with you! This morning I got you though. While I was sleeping you cleverly squished your body behind my loose light switch cover. I am sure you were just giggling as you hid early this morning thinking your hiding spot was so clever. Well, you lost. You're creeping crooked leg was poking out. I almost missed you on my way to work but I found you thanks to my keen OCD observation skills. Now we are done playing because I squished your gross eight legged body between the cover and the wall. I hope your friends take that as a lesson that I don't like playing hide and seek with spiders!